Choosing Joy—Even When It’s Messy

The other day, I found myself spiraling.

Atlas is only in school a few hours a week now. We’d hoped for more structure, more space — but the other program just wasn’t the right fit. And choosing what was best for him meant letting go of what I’d envisioned for me.

So now he’s home more, and while I adore this time with him, it’s also real. It’s real hard. I get interrupted 47 times before I can finish an email. Work moves MUCH slower. Launches take longer. I feel stretched — and sometimes resentful. Projects start and stop. I forget where I left off.

There was a moment last week when I stood in the kitchen with tears welling up, thinking:

“This is not how it was supposed to go.”

We desperately needed an attitude adjustment, so we packed our backpacks and went hiking instead. Out to Tumalo Falls. Out to the trees. Out to the water and the wind.

My mom joined us spontaneously. Atlas built pine straw boats next to the creek. We climbed. We laughed. We ate a bunch of chocolate. We watched the waterfall from the very top. And just like that — I could breathe again.

Not because anything changed. But because I chose differently.

There’s an old parable I keep coming back to, especially in seasons like this — the story of Two Wolves. You’ll often see it told as a Cherokee teaching, though its real origins are actually debated. I share it here not as anyone’s tradition, but because it’s a beautiful reminder of our ability to choose what we feed. It goes like this:

A grandfather is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he says to the boy. “It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.

One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it and then asked: “Which wolf will win?”

The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

What Are You Feeding?

That parable lands differently when you’re in a season where nothing feels easy. When the inbox is full. When your child needs you constantly. When your work, your joy, and your own nervous system feel stretched to their edges.

Even when we can’t control the circumstances, we can choose what we feed.

And here’s the part that makes this more than a nice story: it’s basically how attention works. What you repeatedly focus on, your brain gets better at finding. Your reticular activating system — the filter that decides what you notice — starts scanning for whatever you’ve been feeding it. Feed frustration, and you’ll spot every reason to be frustrated. Feed wonder, and your brain starts handing you things to feel wonder about. That’s not woo — that’s neuroplasticity. The wolf you feed really does get stronger, because you’re strengthening the pathways you use most.

And the trail itself wasn’t incidental. Movement, nature, and a couple of people you love are three of the fastest ways to shift your nervous system out of that stretched-thin, fight-or-flight place. I didn’t think my way calmer at Tumalo Falls. I moved my body, and I let the trees do some of the work.

So on that trail, I could have kept feeding frustration, urgency, resentment. Instead, I fed presence. I fed wonder. I fed joy.

Your Turn: An Invitation to Reflect

You don’t have to hike a mountain to choose differently. You don’t have to “fix” everything before you can feel better.

But you do get to ask:

• What am I feeding today?
• What would joy look like right here, even in the imperfection?
• What would it feel like to choose presence over pressure, even for five minutes?

It’s not about ignoring the hard. It’s about remembering that we still have power inside it.

So wherever you are — in motherhood, business, burnout, or somewhere in between — know this:

A fulfilled life is not a perfect one. It’s a chosen one.

And you get to choose again, right now.

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Mindful Monday. This is the kind of thing I write about every week — a little nervous system science, a little real life, one small practice you can actually use. If it’s your kind of thing, come join us — it’s free, and it lands in your inbox every Monday.

And when you’re ready for a few days to feed the good wolf on purpose — no inbox, no interruptions, just nature and other women who get it — that’s what our retreats are for.

Or come say hi on Instagram — I’m over there, feeding the good wolf most days. 😉🩵